Coding From the Klingon Perspective

(OK, I know these have been done to death, but if you know Star Trek and programming, these are hilarious)

Things likely to be overheard if you work with a Klingon programmer:

  • Specifications are for the weak and timid!
  • This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual 1800MHz Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!
  • You cannot really appreciate ‘User Friendly’ until you’ve read it in the original Klingon.
  • Indentation? – I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
  • What is this talk of ‘release’? Klingons do not release software. Our software ‘escapes,’ leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
  • Klingon function calls do not have ‘parameters’ – they have ‘arguments’ – and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
  • Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.
  • I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest. They will not concern us again.
  • A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
  • By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. PREPARE TO DIE!
  • You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
  • Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Let them use it without a manual or let them flee like the dogs they are!
  • Our competitors are without honor!
  • Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say that we ship it!
  • My program has just dumped Stova Core!
  • Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!
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